Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

Last week when I was standing in line at M&S in the town doing my annual trick of hanging on to my child’s middle finger as the weight from my dangerously over-stacked basket turned my knuckle white while simultaneously balancing a box of crackers on my head and clutching two tins of Roses in my armpit, the kindly lady next to me suggested I “needed help”. My daughter replied on my behalf and said I could “write and ask Father Christmas for some as he always likes to know what we want for Christmas.” 

She tells me you have lots of little helpers, do you think you could pop one of those under the tree for me, and when you’re down there, can you run the hoover around because the non-drop tree has dropped all over the rug and the cat’s been picking needles out of her paws for weeks now. 

I’m in a mess with the presents too.  I bought some back in July, in an attempt to get organised but I organised them away somewhere in a cupboard and can’t find them now.  I’m not sure but I think the Doodle book that my daughter was scrawling over this morning was meant for Cousin Emily, who, by the way, is coming this weekend!  My daughter  is adamant that she “found it” under her bed.  I’ve looked and there’s nothing else under there (other than half a Peppa Pig and a rotten apple core), so the other presents aren’t there, but I have no idea where they are.  

I had a list somewhere too.  My Mum always told me that making lists was a good idea, that way I’d know what was coming next, or what I needed to do.  I know I need to buy food, possibly a turkey, a pudding and lots and lots of booze.  But what order do I do these things in?  And what about stockings? Actually, scrap that, it’s been years since I wore stockings - I just don’t have the time to fiddle with suspenders. 

I’m sorry to trouble you with all of this, I know that you get a lot of letters at this time of year, but my daughter is sure that you can help, she’s also very sure that you are going to bring her a “penguin that talks”.

I’m finding it a bit tough at the moment.  The days are shorter, the nights are closing in, I have to make a mouse costume for the nativity, stick the pound shop paper chains back together again, bake the Christmas cake (I know, I know, I should have done it in July) man a stall at the Christmas Fete and help promote the Hunt The Sausage Calendar for the church, 

If you could find the time to write back, email, text or drop me a message on Facebook, I’d be really grateful.  And please don’t forget to find the talking penguin.  Zoe is sure that there are “loads in Iceland”.  I think she means where you live, and not where I will be shopping for a turkey on Christmas Eve. Again.

Love and kisses (and apologies in advance for the mouldy carrot and bought mince pie)

Vikki x

*First published by vine as part of The Mumblings series*