Thursday, 21 January 2016

A boy for a day

"I want to be a boy for a day" she announced "but without a willy - that would get in the way."

I wanted to ask my daughter what it would get in the way of, but didn't want to restart discussions on the male appendage, discussions which had lasted for the whole week of half term after a naked German swam towards us in the hotel pool bellowing "Guten Tag!!"

"Why do you want to be a boy?" I asked.

"Because they just play, they don't argue like the girls," she replied.

I tried to imagine my petite daughter, with her fear of mud, as a boy for the day. This was a girl who could be reduced to tears by mud on the toe of her wellies. 

"You'd probably have to play football" I warned. Hmmmm I could see her processing the thought of running to and fro with other red-faced laughing boys.

"And you might even have to header the ball...." I added.

"I could do that" she answered grimacing.

"You'd have to pretend to hold guns and throw grenades and make a POW sound."

"POW? No one says 'POW' Mummy! It's  "peeeyouuu.  I can do that."

I was lost at this point and flicked quickly through the stereotypical images in my head listed under the heading of "boys".  Nerf guns. Dirty knees.  Boggies. 

She interrupted me before I could get to Smelly Farts: "If I get to be a boy for a day, I'd show my new boy friends how to play the 'fashion game'.  I'd show them how to make clothes and walk down the catwalk and we could put on events and sing and dance..."

"You could do that with your friends whatever sex they are."

"Mummy!! You're not allowed to say that!!!"

"Of course I can, we are all equal and can play whatever game we like - girls can play football and boys can design dresses."

"No Mummy!!! You don't understand, you can't say S.E.X!" She spelled the three letters out with emphasis. 

Apparently there are lots of words I can't say including the 'F' word (fart or fat, depending on the context) and "God!" (that's rude).

"If you want to be a boy for a day then you want to change sex Zoe."

Zoe stopped tying her shoe-laces and looked at me "I can't CHANGE sex Mummy - I don't know how to make it."

That was the moment I decided that the next time she announced she wanted to be a boy for a day, willy or no willy, I would just say :"Great idea - pass me the Nerf gun!"

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