There's a gas man in my cupboard and he looks like Heston Blumenthal

There's a gas man in my cupboard and he looks like Heston Blumenthal.  He's been in there some time now. I think I scared him. I really must remember to mention before I lead them to the bedroom, that the boiler is upstairs.

There was a time when men would have found my slow walk upstairs alluring. Now they're on the brink of suggesting stairlift companies and looking worried as I beckon them yonder to the second floor.

It's true I'm not as young as I used to be (a phrase that has always seemed bloody obvious to me) and it's also true that I don't always make the most of myself. It's hard to summon the enthusiasm before the school run to do much more than to pull on my jeans and a hoodie. I usually brush my hair but this morning I confess I forgot so maybe my Doc Brown hair scared the gas man.... I'll never know because he refused to look me in the eye or allow me to take his photo to prove to my friends on Facebook that I had Heston in my airing cupboard.

Zoë knows a trick or two about men. She shared her secrets yesterday evening on the way home from her swimming lesson.
 "I know a trick how to get boys to love you"
"What's that then?" I'd replied.
"You  need to wear lots of make up, do your hair and wear a nice dress. Then they'll want to marry you."
"Interesting...."
"By the way, I can help you do yours then daddy might ask you to marry him".

I relaid the conversation to the gas man.  Then I offered him some chocolate biscuits. As I climbed the stairs with the biscuit barrel I heard him talking quietly into his phone: "this old boiler has more problems than I initially thought."