Tuesday, 14 June 2011


I think I’ve just stumbled upon one of the most disturbing sites on the internet – 2011 Predictions – a site ‘devoted to monitoring current events and their relationship to Bible Prophecy’.

I’d put ‘predictions 2011’ into Google in order to find out what was in store for Scorpios’ in 2011.....and I got four horseman of the apocalypse bearing down on me and a heap of theories that will give me nightmares for at least the first 30 days of 2011!

That’ll teach me. If I was a Capricorn I wouldn’t have even gone there. Trust me. I know about Capricorns – I live with one and my Mother is one. They plan, they make lists and they make life happen – they don’t surf the net asking what’s in store – they build the store and stock it themselves.

When I ripped open the £1 make-do horoscope-themed-calendar (which is hanging on the wall temporarily taking up the space set aside for the fabled photo one we ordered at the beginning of December!) a grinning goat greeted me. Capricorn – the sign for practical January.

The calendar informed me that Capricorns were; ‘organised, sensible, responsible and sceptical’. Which is just what we need this month now that bloated old Saggi-arse has given up the ghost of Christmas past and fallen asleep with dribble on his bow and crumbs on his arrow. We need the hoofed-ones to bring some normality back, some routine and we need them to take down the tree, sweep up the tinsel and pack the baubles in the loft.

I’m not sure what drew me to googling predictions 2011 in the first place – but if I had the time to analyse it I’d probably come back to the same old mouldy chestnut – I want to know about the future but I’m too busy living to make adequate plans that will enable a smooth trajectory forward. Richard C Cushing (possibly a Capricorn) said: Always plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark Wise words and ones I will take seriously this month.

Mum and N find organisation easy. I struggle with it. It doesn’t come naturally. I stared at a blank page for ages yesterday after making bold statements about writing lists. I’d been back at work for a day after a ten day break, plus another 12 for snow, and I was having trouble remembering what I did for a living......

Then decided to forget the small stuff and write a list of resolutions as a sort of make-shift ‘big plan’ for the year ahead. I managed to cobble together 3 resolutions in total. If I behave like a goat and stay organised,this year will be a breeze. I’ve pinned the ‘resolutions –plan’ to the fridge and I intend to stubbornly stick to it........well at least until the hoofed-one trots off and ushers in airy-fairy Aquarius in February.

1.To use spell check EVERY time
2. To actually use the calendar
3.To avoid stress and plumbers.....and prediction websites

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